Recently I posted on Instagram relating to mental health, parenting, productivity, and that feeling of having not gotten anything “done”.
The post got such a fantastic response, so I wanted to expand on that topic a little more here.
For anyone who doesn’t follow me on Instagram or Facebook, the post read as such:
Today I did not:
Write and publish the blog post I had planned
Do a home workout as intended
Roll out my mat and do some yoga (for the third day in a row)
Bake the cookies I had promised I would
Make the bed
Brush my hair
But today I:
Gave so many cuddles and so much love to my baby girl who is currently teething badly, making sure she knows that I am her ‘safe place’ and that I will always comfort her when she needs it
Went for a short family walk in the sunshine
Washed up the dishes
Took yesterday’s washing off the line
Had a shower
Quietly enjoyed this hot chocolate after finally getting baby girl off to bed
Sometimes we focus so much on what we didn’t get done, that we forget about all the things that we did accomplish. Even if they may be small, every little thing is important and worth noting – just like this mug says: “Enjoy the little things”.
And at the moment, simply getting through each day – little thing by little thing – should be something to celebrate.
Please remember that.
The main point of the post was to urge people to rethink the idea of “productivity”.
To look past what they feel like they didn’t do, through to what they did.
From looking past the “failure” of a day to see all the wins instead.
To measure our days in the small steps we did take rather than focusing on the “big things” that we may have put on pause for the day.
Life at the moment is complicated. Life is always complicated, nevertheless, however at the moment with COVID-19 things seem even more challenging and the stress levels for many are building up fast.
We’re stuck in our homes, day in, day out – and with that situation comes a feeling that we should be getting a whole lot more done than we most likely in reality are.
It’s a feeling, that feeling of not being productive, that many new mothers and stay at home parents can relate strongly to.
I know that I – almost on a daily basis – feel like I haven’t been “productive”, or gotten “enough” done.
Many people are in a similar boat, whether they are parents or not. This blog post is a message for all.
Before having a baby I daydreamed about all the things I would “get done” while on maternity leave with my little one: I envisioned the sparkling clean house, the freshly baked goodies I’d prepare on a daily basis, the books I would read, the blog content I would create, and the coffee dates I would waltz off to.
In hindsight, its 100% fair to say my daydreams were completely and utterly stupid. Lovely, oh yes, but extremely misguided.
Since having my baby, I’ve realised how “little” I can realistically get done in a day – and at first it made me feel lazy and like a failure (therefore completely unproductive).
No matter that I’ve had a baby glued to me all day because they want close comfort, no matter that I’ve kept that little human alive for another 24 hours (an amazing feat in itself!) – no, never mind that *small* point.
Even though I’ve spent my day seeing to my little human’s physical and emotional needs – one of the most important and productive things I could ever do with my time – I still sometimes can’t shake that feeling of having “wasted” my day.
Especially when I look at other mothers who seem to be flitting off all over the place with ease and grace, all while juggling two kids, multiple different hobbies, and an active social life. How do they do it?
Ah, comparison, the poisonous bane of our existence.
So I’ve been actively trying to turn my thinking surrounding productivity on its head.
What I did with my latest Instagram post was list some things that had been on my To Do List that particular day that got neglected, but then flipped things around and listed all the other things I got done instead:
Spending lots of time cuddling my baby, contact napping with her and just generally showing her the love she was craving that day – how is that less important that the blog post I had planned to write and publish? Answer: It’s not. In fact, making sure my baby feels loved, safe, and connected to me is more important to me than anything else.
Was doing some yoga more important than the walk I ended up taking as a family? No, in fact, both activities would have resulted in the same thing – a bit of exercise, and some mental rejuvenation.
The family walk also had an added social aspect, so that’s a plus. So, productivity actually achieved, just in a different way than I had imagined.
Was it really important to my productivity meter that I brush my hair or make the bed? Not really.
I think you get the picture.
When I weighed things up that way, I can see that for my health and wellbeing, and my relationship with my baby, I actually had quite a “productive” day.
While I was feeling low because I “hadn’t gotten anything done”, I stopped myself going into a complete dive by allowing myself to roll with the day rather than forcing myself to get my To Do List completed. Which would have been to the detriment of other things – for example, my baby’s emotional wellbeing.
Then, looking back at my list of things I did do rather than what I didn’t, I am able to see that my day was in no way a “failure” as I initially felt.
My time was not wasted. In fact, my time was spent in the most productive way it could have been: By being a conscious mum.
All too often we overlook the small things we have accomplished to obsess over the “big” things we had planned.
But the beauty of each day (and its productivity), I believe, should be measured in the little things – all those tiny steps we’ve taken, rather than in the great leaps.
Leaps are great and all, sure, but they don’t make tiny steps any smaller or any less important.
And it mustn’t be forgotten: One big leap could instead be made up from a whole lot of tiny steps.
Now, that’s not to say that you wake each day with an attitude of “stuff it”, and don’t even attempt any effort in any way, shape or form. It’s very good to have a To Do List, or a set of goals you’d like to accomplish. I always have a list like this and find it a fantastic way to approach life.
But the key is in not allowing that list to domineer your life. To cause you to glaze over all the special little things, and miss out on precious moments because you only have eyes for the boxes you want to tick in the name of “productivity”.
Next time you’re stressing over the fact that the laundry hasn’t gotten done today, or that you threw together an ‘easy meal’ rather than cooking the more elaborate dinner you had planned, take a second to pause.
Remind yourself of the things you HAVE got done today: That cuddle you had with your child, the book you read with them, the playtime you had together in the garden.
Those are the most important things.
Those are the things your child is going to remember – not that the dishes weren’t done, not that the floor was in need of hoovering – but instead the moments you shared together and the love they felt.
Those are the things that NEED to get done.
Everything else, surely, can wait.
For those without children: What about that fifteen minutes you “wasted” by sitting down and having a glass of wine instead of “productively” cleaning the bathroom?
Or that relaxing bath you soaked in for half an hour?
Those moments may have been just what you needed to help your mental health stay glued together that day, rather than falling to pieces.
And that cannot be underestimated.
Do what you NEED to do, and hold less focus on all those things you “should” do.
You may just find, that with a simple change of perspective, you become a whole lot more “productive”.